“Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations”
After receiving the news that my pregnancy was a chemical one that would end just as quickly as it started, I went in on Monday to meet with my doctor.
I learned that 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. He also told me that of my 10 frozen embryos, 9 were excellent and one was good. I have 8 excellent frozen embryos remaining. He’s confident that I will get pregnant and have a healthy pregnancy. He also said he wouldn’t change a thing with the medication protocol or the procedure, I just happened to fall in that unfortunate 20% group and there wasn’t anything that could have been done to prevent that from happening. He got me back on birth control and scheduled follow up blood work for the following week.
A few days later, the bleeding and cramping started, and so did many more tears.
Being an optimist, I knew the only way forward for me would be find the silver linings in my situation.
- I now know that I CAN get pregnant
- I have plenty of excellent eggs ready to go
- My “light duty” is over.
- I got advance warning that I’d have a miscarriage. Many women aren’t that fortunate.
- There are so many kind and supportive strangers out their in IVF online groups.
- I have an incredibly supportive wife.
- We have a healthy, happy baby.
- I have an opportunity to hit the pause button and get more balanced.
IVF had taken over my life. Even this blog, which was designed to be about both motherhood and IVF became solely about IVF.
Where do I go from here?
I’ve decided to try again with another FET (frozen embryo transfer). As for timeline, I plan to schedule it for the first week in January. That way, I can focus 100% on enjoying the holidays and being fully present.
After my last tranfer, I went from bed to couch during those first 3 days; then light duty (which I planned to stay on until the first ultrasound at around 6 weeks). With this delay, I plan on focusing more on fitness, maybe even signing up for a 10k run, and finally trying out strength training. I’m a little thin, so I would definitely benefit from gaining some lean muscle.
I experienced a pregnancy loss. It was physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and financially painful; but if it’s one thing IVF has taught me, it’s that I’m pretty strong.
I’m choosing faith over fear, I WILL have a healthy pregnancy. And in the meantime, I’m looking forward to enjoying this short break.